When I was a kid, I took an annual summer vacation with my parents and two older siblings to Long Beach Island, on the New Jersey shore. Here’s a snapshot of our car trip down and back: my brother blasts Bruce Springsteen on his Walkman in an effort to drown out the showtunes playing on the car stereo. When my sister inevitably starts belting out Evita songs too loudly, my brother yells at her. My sister yells in response. I, the youngest, am whining every 5 minutes about having to sit in the nausea-inducing rear-facing seat.
Sound relaxing to you?
If you’re looking for a low-stress, relaxing vacation, you might not find it if you’re traveling with kids.
Moreover, if you’re someone who’s prone to anxiety, vacations can actually be more anxiety-provoking than routine weeks at home. When we’re away from home, we don’t have control over every minute of our day. We can’t predict what tomorrow will bring, and therefore can’t prepare for it.
When patients are anticipating family vacations with their kids, I often spend time helping them “cope ahead” for what might be a stressful experience. See below for advice I often give for surviving family vacations.
- Manage expectations. If you are traveling with young children, you are not going to be able to read a 450-page novel. Nor will you be able to enjoy a leisurely sunset meal on the beach or sip mai tais with your partner or sleep late. Even traveling with older children can be a challenge, especially if they’re complaining about losing access to their friends/screens/beds and fighting with each other. As you approach the vacation, remind yourself that it likely won’t be all-fun, all-the-time. Recognize that some stress is part of the deal.
- Carve out as much time for yourself as you can. Can you schedule some “me time” into your trip? Even if it’s a quick walk alone outside or trip to see a great summer movie, it will help rejuvenate you (in time to deal with the next family squabble).
- Establish a routine when you can. Whenever possible, create a routine for yourself/your family, even if it is an artificial one. It can be very anxiety-provoking to wake up in the morning and look forward to a completely unstructured day. Try setting a schedule for yourself each night before bed. It doesn’t have to be an hour-by-hour schedule, but it should provide you with enough structure so that you feel like you have a plan for the next day.
- Plan ahead as much as possible to minimize stress. Back in the days when I traveled to LBI with my family, there was no internet to help educate us about restaurants and attractions. We had to get to LBI and then “wing it.” And “winging it” could be stressful, when my two siblings and I all wanted to eat different things and see different sites. Now, thanks to the internet and AI, you can plan out your meals and destinations ahead of time. At the very least, you can get a sense of the options available to you, which will make it easier to make decisions in the moment.
- Be willing to take a vacation from control. It may help to think of your summer vacation as a “vacation from control.” It is very easy to control every aspect of your life (and your partner’s and kids’ lives) when you’re at home, on familiar turf, and everyone in your family is at work/school. But as soon as you leave home, daily activities, meals, and bedtimes become harder to negotiate. Don’t spend your time agonizing over your lack of productivity. Instead, accept your circumstances, remembering that you will be returning to your regularly scheduled life soon enough!
Want to hear more about surviving family vacations? There’s a whole chapter on it in Mom Brain! Or contact me here.
