One of my favorite exchanges from “The Office” involves Jim and Pam talking about taking “mental pictures” of their wedding so that they can truly savor the moment. As they’re driving up to the wedding venue, they have this exchange:
Pam: Hey, my aunt told me something neat.
Jim: Yeah?
Pam: She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast, we should try to take mental pictures of the high points. [Jim pretends to click a camera with his fingers]
Jim: Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it, now that’s going to be in my brain forever.
I’ve been thinking about “mental pictures” recently, as my kids finish up their school years. My older son is done with his freshman year of high school, which I cannot believe even as I type it. I can hear the clock ticking in my head, counting down until he leaves us and heads to college. And my “baby” will be in 7th grade in the fall and is taller than I am (not saying much, but still.) How did this happen?
Obviously, I’m not the only parent experiencing the unique blend of sadness, excitement, nostalgia, and dread that marks the end of every school year, and the reaching of every milestone. In fact, patients often talk to me about this, noting that they are incredibly saddened by the passage of time and the fact that their kids are growing older. At times, this sadness threatens to outweigh the positive emotions that come with milestone events, like graduations.
When I work with parents in this situation, I invoke Jim and Pam and the “mental pictures” discussion. I also practice what I preach, forcing myself to take mental pictures and savor the moment, during those times when my stomach clenches with the thought that my kids are getting closer and closer to leaving me (see: younger son’s last day of preschool, older son’s first trip to sleepaway camp).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) fundamentally abides by the principle that there are some things you have to accept, and some things you can change (the serenity prayer, in therapy form). I tell patients that, as difficult as it may be, we have to accept the (rapid) passage of time. But we can change our response to it. That’s where “mental pictures” come in: if we take mental pictures, we can savor the moment, consciously experiencing what’s happening instead of expending mental energy bemoaning how fast time is flying or looking into the future.
So instead of scrolling on your phone wistfully looking at old pictures, might I suggest you very consciously take “mental pictures” of milestone events? Stop and savor the moment, breathe it all in, and focus on the joy you are experiencing in the here-and-now, not the sadness you might experience when it’s all over. That’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow, as my kids leave for their last day of school.
