Since I’m an avid supporter of parents who actively work to make the division of household labor fair, I’m not sure how this article, published in The Atlantic last June, escaped me until now. In the piece, author Jordan Michelman discusses how he, a writer who often travels for work, spends Saturday “Dad-urdays” with his daughter, while giving his wife, the parent who does more parenting during the week, a much-needed break.
Yes, yes, a thousand times YES!
I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with patients about the division of household labor. It usually goes like this: one parent, by virtue of their work schedule, isn’t “on the ground” to parent/take care of the house as much as the other parent is. The “on the ground” parent starts feeling resentful of the other parent, creating a fraught dynamic that doesn’t work for either parent.
I encourage patients struggling with the division of household labor to do exactly what Michelman did: find ways for the non-“On the Ground” parent to participate in parenting/household activities in a way that feels fair to the “On the Ground” parent. Note that what feels fair to one might not feel fair to the other, so every couple has to work out what works best for them. Some parents I’ve worked with prefer situations like the “Dad-urday,” where the parent who is busier during the week steps up on the weekend. Other parents assign parenting/household tasks that are not bound to a specific time of day to the parent who has the busier work week. Any arrangement will work, so long as it feels fair to both parents.
Have you and your partner tried something like a “Dad-urday” to manage the division of household labor? Contact me here and let me know!
